Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Saying Goodbye and Personal Struggles

I haven't been posting very much lately and I apologize for my neglect to this blog.

Last week, my last remaining grandparent passed away. She was 92 years old and lived a long and active life. She will be greatly missed by our family.

Ethan received these flowers from his daycare.

Mason Cousins

some of the great-grandchildren

My father and his siblings.

The preacher did an amazing job at the funeral service. He mentioned, during the service, the special game Grandma and Ethan played with marshmallows and that really meant a lot to me. It was so nice to have almost all of our family together again and paying tribute to the woman who corner stoned our family.

Changing Gears

On a completely different note, I've been really struggling with some personal issues right now. I have been avoiding posting on the blog for the fear of revealing too much and later on regretting it. I admire those that can lay everything out there and share their inner, most personal, feelings and struggles. I'm not that type of person. I worry about being judged and what others will think of me far too much.

Yesterday, I was angry about the situation. Today, I am devasted and depressed. I feel like it takes all my energy to project a normal, happy person to the rest of the world and, most importantly, my son. However, on the inside I'm crushed and feeling betrayed and hurt. Laundry is piling up, dishes aren't done and work isn't getting done but I just don't care...I just can't care right now.

I'll be back with puppies and rainbows soon enough but, for now, I'm needing time. I know I'll get through this struggle and will end up stronger in the end and with a better sense of self.

Thank you for letting me share with you, my blogging world friends, and for your support even though you know not what you are supporting or the details of what caused this situation.


  1. Hey! I've been wondering what happened to you.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. It is hard. It sounds like you have many good memories with her :)

    (((hugs))) on the struggles. I hope things get better.


  2. Millie was an amazing lady. Always a smile and fun to visit with. Have to chuckle remembering one of the times when you and Monica were at her house and a KU game was on. The lady was there Number one Fan!! Her BOYS as she called them. If you need a hug just call!!